"TALK TO ME" - Sexuality Education for Parents

Attitudes toward Sexuality

Goal
This workshop will help parents to become more approachable to their teenagers in matters of sexual health.

Summary
By participating in its suggested activities, the parents will be able to better understand their own perception of sexuality and to evaluate their level of comfort with the issue. The parents will learn about the importance of a positive attitude, promoting discussions and exchanges between parents and adolescents. They will also learn the importance and the purpose of their own role as sexual health educator.

Themes
Sexuality, education, positive attitudes.

Suggested activities
Exposés, discussions, work in teams.

General objective #1:
The workshop will lead the parents to question and re-evaluate their perception of sexuality and sexual education.

Specific objectives:
By the end of the workshop the parents should be able to:
1.1 Associate different elements with sexuality;
1.2 Identify the positive aspects of sexuality;
1.3 Explain how their own perception of sexuality may influence their attitude.

General objective #2:
Throughout the workshop the parents will learn to assess their level of comfort when discussing sexuality with their adolescents.

Specific objectives:
By the end of the workshop the parents should be able to:
2.1 Be aware of the aspects of sexuality they are most bothered by;
2.2 Name the most sensitive issues;
2.3 Identify the causes behind these difficulties.

General objective #3:
The workshop will allow parents to become familiar with the best attitudes to adopt towards sexual education.

Specific objectives:
By the end of the workshop the parents will be able to:
2.1 Give examples of positive attitudes related to sexual health education;
2.2 Name some attitudes to avoid;
2.3 Become aware of their own attitudes, both positive and negative.

Procedure

1. Introduction
The facilitator introduces him/herself and explains the goals of the workshop, which is intended as an introduction to the "Talk To Me" program. He/she may offer some general information on the program's content as well as a short history (see introduction to the program). He/she explains that sexual health education is a natural part of teenage development and that it teaches the adolescents to better handle their emotions and to resist peer pressure. Parents play an important role in this education by showing their children through their interactions what affection is, by teaching them the names of various body parts and by developing meaningful relationships.

Length: 5 minutes
Purpose: Introduction
Facilitator's role:

• Showing interest in and enthusiasm for the subject

Required material:

• Introduction to the program

2. "Breaking the Ice"
The facilitator gives out a roll of toilet paper. After explaining that this is meant to help them introduce themselves and their families, he/she asks the participants to tear off as much the paper they would normally use. After they have done this they are asked to tell the group something about themselves for every sheet they have. This information may be personal, professional or other. The more paper one has torn off, the more the participant will have to divulge about him/herself. This activity not only relaxes the atmosphere but allows the participants to get acquainted with each other.

Length: 10 minutes
Purpose: Introduction
Facilitator's role:

• Participating in the exercise
• Memorizing the participants' names

Required material:

• Roll of toilet paper

3. Exercise on the perception of sexuality
The facilitator distributes a copy of annex #1 to all participants and asks them to write any and all words they associate with sexuality inside the bubble without censoring the content.

Length: 5 minutes
Corresponding objectives: 1.1
Facilitator's role:

• Keeping silent during the exercise
• Distributing annex #1

Required material:

• Annex #1
• Pens

4. Sexuality. negative or positive?
Once annex #1 has been filled out, each participant is given two pens of a different colour and asked to circle those aspects he/she considers positive in one colour and the negative ones in the other. This way each person gets a quick overview of his/her own perceptions of sexuality as a rather positive or negative force. The facilitator asks the parents to take some time to reflect on their list. He/she then explains the different sexual approaches (annex #2) and leads into a discussion based on some of the following questions:

• Does your list reflect a more positive or negative view of sexuality?
• Do the colours on your list surprise you?
• What do you think of your list?
• What influenced your choice of words? (Your values, education, experiences, present situation, etc.)
• Is there a specific theme to the items on your list? (Mainly biological, psychological, emotional, hedonistic, moral, preventive, humanistic, etc.)
• How could your perception affect the way you approach your adolescent in matters of sexual education?

The facilitator ends the segment by explaining the importance of becoming aware of one's perceptions before discussing the topic. Doing so, as some of the following examples show, would have an enormous impact on the way one educates:

• A genital-oriented focus may result in overlooking the emotional dimension;
• A mostly preventive approach may lead some parents to neglect some of the positive aspects of sexuality as well as the real needs of their teenagers;
• A mainly pleasure-based approach may cause the risks of some sexual practices to be overlooked;
• An attitude based mainly on the biological and physiological changes during adolescence may limit an understanding of the variety of adolescent concerns.

Length: 15 minutes
Corresponding objectives: 1.1 - 1.2 - 1.3
Facilitator's role:

• Creating an atmosphere of trust
• Ensuring that all parents participate in the discussion
• Respecting the participants' opinions

Required material:

• Annex #1
• Annex #2
• Two sets of pens of different colour

5. Your comfort level with discussing sexuality
The facilitator places three sets of masking tape, ten feet long each, on the floor according to the following model:

Very comfortable discussing sexuality with: Not comfortable discussing sexuality with: My spouse     My friends     My teenager

The first tape shows one's level of comfort when discussing sexuality with one's spouse, the second with one's friends and the third with one's adolescents. Each participant must position him/herself one tape at a time at the place he/she believes best represents the true level of comfort when discussing sexuality within every group.

A discussion should ensue based on some of the following questions:

• Did you position yourself at the same level on all three tapes?
• Is it more difficult to discuss sexuality with one's teenager?
• Do you think that the adolescent feels the same way about you? Why?
• Who are you most comfortable discussing sexuality with? (Your spouse, your friends, your parents, etc.?)
• At one time, were you embarrassed to speak to your parents about sexuality?
• Are you comfortable discussing sexuality?
• According to you, where do these difficulties come from?
• Which subjects do you find most difficult to broach? (Sexually transmitted infections, contraception, pleasure, etc.)
• Do you think your adolescent feels the same way?

To sustain the discussion the facilitator uses the content of annex #3 in regard to the more difficult subjects and their possible causes. He/she concludes this activity by explaining that it is perfectly normal to have trouble with the issue since it directly touches on our intimacy and vulnerability. One of the parent's roles is to become aware of and learn to respect his/her own limits and difficulties.

Length: 20 minutes
Corresponding objectives: 2.1 - 2.2 - 2.3
Facilitator's role:

• Creating an atmosphere of trust
• Ensuring that all parents participate in the discussion
• Respecting the participants' opinions
• Clearly presenting the content
• Citing examples

Required material:

• Annex #3
• Masking tape
• Markers

_______________________________________

BREAK: 10 MINUTES
_______________________________________

6. Brainstorming on attitudes toward sexuality
The facilitator divides the board into two columns, one entitled "negative attitudes", the other "positive attitudes".

The facilitator ensues by asking parents to name positive attitudes toward sexuality, meaning those which are apt to open up the dialogue, lead to a greater candour on the adolescent's part, create an atmosphere of trust, be conducive to the expression of emotions and concerns, etc. The parents must then repeat the exercise with the negative attitudes (i.e. those which tend to lead to resistance, a greater discomfort and a reduced interest in any type of discussion). The parents take turns in writing their answers on the board.

Length: 15 minutes
Corresponding objectives: 3.1 - 3.2

Facilitator's role:

• Ensuring that all parents participate in the exercise
• Asking questions meant to ease understanding and lead to the emergence of ideas
• Remaining silent

Facilitator's instructions:

• Informing the participants that they may help each other out
• Asking the parents to go to the board one at a time
• Asking the parents to refrain from making comments during the exercise but to reserve them for the ensuing discussion

Required material:

• Board
• Markers/chalk

7. Exposé-discussion
Once the participants appear to have finished writing their answers on the board, the facilitator completes the information with the help of annex #4. He/she may lead an exposé on attitudes to adopt in the field of sexual education. For every attitude presented, the facilitator may invite the parents to share examples from their own experiences with their teenager. The facilitator may also offer examples of positive and negative attitudes stemming from his/her own experience with adolescents in order to maintain a certain level of interest among the participants.

Length: 15 minutes
Corresponding objectives: 3.1 - 3.2

Facilitator's role:

• Offering concrete and, if possible, fun examples
• Asking questions apt to lead to discussions and exchanges
• Showing an open mind and a sense of humour
• Answering questions

Required material:

• Board
• Markers/chalk
• Annex #4

8. Reflections on attitudes toward sexuality

The facilitator asks the participants to determine which attitudes among those presented during the last exercise they:

• Have a tendency to adopt with their own teenagers
• Would like to adopt more often or more easily
• Would like to eliminate altogether
• Feel are the most ingrained
• Consider impossible to apply

The facilitator then opens up a discussion based on these very questions.

Length: 10 minutes
Corresponding objectives: 3.1 - 3.2 - 3.3

Facilitator's role:

• Asking questions conducive to a better understanding of the exercise and the emergence of ideas
• Answering questions if need be

Required material:

• Completed table of activity #7

9. Home Assignment
The facilitator ends the workshop by emphasizing the importance of adopting positive attitudes toward sexuality and the impact of negative and less constructive attitudes can have when talking with their children. The parents are asked to pay special attention to the attitudes or messages they transmit to their adolescent about sexuality over the next few days. The facilitator hands out copies of annex #5. The parents are then invited to participate in the program's other workshops in order to further their knowledge and become an "askable" parent.

Length: 5 minutes
Purpose: conclusion

Facilitator's role:

• Clearly explaining the assignment as well as its relevance and usefulness
• Encouraging the parents to carry out the assignment
• Distributing annex #5

Required material:

• Annex #5

Oral evaluation
The facilitator wraps up with some of the following questions:

• How did you feel throughout this workshop?
• What was your specific interest in this workshop?
• What have you learned?
• How will what you learned help you? Please tell me about it?

Length: 5 minutes
Facilitator's role:

• Encouraging the parents to respond
• Noting comments to improve future workshops

Required material:

• None

Written evaluation
The facilitator distributes the written evaluation to the participants (annex #6).

Length: 5 minutes
Facilitator's role:

• Encouraging the participants to fill out the evaluation
• Distributing annex #6

Required material:

• Annex #6

Annex #1

Sexuality is ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Annex #2

List of associations with sexuality¹

Comfortable Dangerous Risky Pleasure Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) Pregnancy Disease Affection Menstrual cycle Physiology Eroticism Pornography Sin Relaxation Exchange of caresses, tenderness Genital exchange (penetration, ejaculation) Emotional exchange leading to arousal Oral-genital exchanges Channel of expression Frustration Essential Love Need Seduction Obligation Duty

Responsibility Sexual relation How not to become pregnant Erection Ejaculation Contraception Male body Female body Emotions Difficulties Feelings Male-female differences First sexual experience Condom Orgasm Game Sexual orientation Positive Negative Dirty Impure Health Adult Personal Intimacy HIV/AIDS Important

Preventive approach: condoms, prevention, contraception, responsibility, STIs, HIV/AIDS, etc.
Emotional approach: feelings, affection, love, etc.
Biological approach: menstrual cycle, male body, female body, etc.
Hedonistic approach: pleasure, orgasm, eroticism, etc.
Moral approach: sin, vice, duty, impurity, etc.

Annex #3

What sexual health issues are "uncomfortable" for you:

• The idea of sexual pleasure
• Orgasm
• Discussing genitals
• STIs
• Contraception
• Physiological changes and differences
• The first sexual experience
• Erections
• Masturbation
• Wet dreams
• Sexual positions
• Sexual practices
• Homosexuality
• Conception
• Feelings
• Sexual violence
• Other

Possible causes:

• Education
• Lack of knowledge
• Discomfort with your own sexuality
• Values
• Painful experiences
• Lack of practice talking about sexuality
• Intimacy issues
• Other

Annex #4

Positive characteristics of parents that will enhance sexual health education

1. A healthy attitude toward sexuality.
   Example: sexuality is not synonymous with sin, suffering, etc; being encouraging - helping your children feel good about their changing bodies and emotions.
   
2. Sensitivity to the attitudes, values and feelings of others.
   Example: making fun of your adolescent's heartbreaks, criticising his/her friends, entering his/her room without knocking first, discriminating against the sexual orientation of others.
   
3. A sound understanding of sexual health issues to transmit any knowledge clearly and coherently.
   Example: your adolescent asks you about herpes but you don't know the transmission routes, its symptoms, etc. Say you don't know the answer but you will find out or involve your adolescent in finding the information from various sources.
   
4. Ability to communicate genuinely and effectively, verbally as well as non-verbally.
   Example: attention to tone of voice, shouting to be avoided.
   
5. A profound respect and concern for others, whether they be children, adolescents or adults.
   
6. Ability to respect values reflecting different cultural communities.
   
7. Ability to respect the adolescent's limits and characteristics.
   Example: if your adolescent's attention span does not exceed 15 minutes, do not attempt to explain puberty for an hour.
   
8. Ability to listen and show an interest - this provides a comfortable environment that encourages your adolescent to open up.
   Example: your daughter has begun menstruating but asks you not to discuss the matter. Wait for her to be ready before raising the issue with other family members.
   
9. Ability to establish a relationship based on tolerance, trust, and openness with others while maintaining a positive attitude; respecting confidentiality and privacy.
   
10. Ability to evaluate your own values and reactions towards different sexual issues (the parent will be expected to answer questions on contraception, masturbation, etc.) as well as guiding the teen to develop his/her own values.
    Example: if you're uncomfortable with masturbation you may say so without creating the same discomfort for your child.

Annex #5

Summary of attitudes² (to be distributed to all participants)

A) Positive perception of sexuality Presenting sexuality in a positive light as a stimulating and interesting part of life; Avoiding judgements or lectures; Avoiding discussing sexuality solely in terms of disease; Giving adolescents a chance to live a healthy sex life that is not based on fear; Speaking of emotions and sensations rather than offering only technical guidelines; Emphasizing the ideas of pleasure and prevention rather than the negatives.

B) Being comfortable, being honest Being honest, direct and simplistic when raising the issue; Using the correct terms while showing a certain tolerance; Avoiding vulgarity; Being aware of the influence and the power of your own values on the adolescent mind; Being able to own up to one's limits and refer to other resources; Asking the adolescent to get involved in the search for information or solutions; Being aware that comfort with the issue comes over time and with practice.

C) Availablity and tolerance Refusing to answer a question considered too personal; Accepting adolescents as sexual beings and not assuming that they do not have concerns or a sex life "at that age"; Being able to listen, to show empathy and warmth and to remain authentic as well as objective; Respecting the adolescents' values while never trivializing their experiences; Assisting the adolescents with their own thought processes rather than just offering suggestions; Allowing the adolescent to express their concerns or emotional reactions and to share information; Using humour to lighten difficult situations.

D) Respecting intimacy Avoiding talk of your own personal sexual experiences; Giving value and importance to intimacy.

Creating an atmosphere of trust;
Encouraging discussions and exchanges;
Giving life to values;
Allowing for access to information.

Annex #6

Please complete the following questions:

1. What is one thing you learned about _______________ that you did not know before?

2. What questions or concerns do you still have about _______________?

3. Will you do anything differently as a result of learning about____________?

Yes _____ No _____

Please tell me about it:

 

 

4. I'd like to tell the facilitator:

Web site References

Web sites on sexuality in general

http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/publicat/cgshe-ldnemss/index-eng.php
Canadian Guidelines for Sexual Health Education.

http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/std-mts/
Division of Sexual Health Promotion and STD Prevention and Control

http://sieccan.org/health_questions.html
Common questions about sexual health education.

http://www.ppfc.ca/
Planned Parenthood Federation Of Canada. Information on reproductive health and an email newsletter.

http://www.region.peel.on.ca/health/commhlth/parov1yr/teen.htm
Region of Peel's web site offering tips on helping your teens grow up sexually healthy.

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/parents/
Guides for parents on teen sexuality.

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/educational-resources/for-parents/human-sexuality-what-children-need-to-know.htm
Fact sheet on Why Do Children Need to Know About Sexuality?

http://www.safehealthyschools.org/sexualityeducation/gateway.htm
This sexuality education gateway is designed to help educators find on-line activities, lesson plans and teaching advice.

 

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¹ Inspired from notes from Pinsonneault, S. 1994. Problématique de l'intervention à l'éducation sexuelle, UQAM.

² Durocher, L., and Fortier, M. 1999. Programme d'éducation sexuelle, Les Centres jeunesse de Montréal, p.12-14.

Very comfortable discussing sexuality with:Not comfortable discussing sexuality with:

My spouse

 

My friends

 

My teenager